Talking About Sex in Therapy
Sex may or may not be easy for you to talk about. For many couples, it’s uncomfortable. If you struggle to talk about it with your own partner, the thought of discussing it in couples counseling might be excruciating.
Opening up and being vulnerable about the most intimate of details of your life never comes easy. You don’t want to hurt your partner or their feelings if you express that you don’t care to do something. On the other side of the coin, you don’t know how to express what you do want in the bedroom.
Once you get past the initial discomfort, talking about sex in therapy isn’t as daunting as it may seem. In fact, it is often one of the greatest investments made with your time in couples therapy.
How To Talk About Sex In Therapy
Firstly, for many couples, sex is an important component of their relationship. It’s not the only thing a couple should care about, but it’s certainly at the top of the list for many people.
When you are in couples therapy, your therapist understands this. Sexual intimacy is a part of life. However, this does not mean your therapist will pry for details. Inevitably, sex will come up naturally as part of a conversation. If it doesn’t, the therapist you are working with won’t be intrusive and ask.
As with all types of therapy, the couple or individual person will often lead the conversation.
1. You Don’t Need To Go Into Details
There’s a common misconception that when discussing sex in therapy, you need to provide details. That couldn’t be further from the truth. The only time details might be useful is if one partner mentions that they feel boundaries are being crossed. Otherwise, you can leave out the more intimate details of your shared experiences.
You can still talk about sex in therapy if you don’t bring up specifics. For instance, you can say general things like, “I really don’t like when you…” or “I would prefer if…”
2. You Set The Ground Rules
Say you are in a session, and your partner brings up something you aren’t comfortable discussing in front of your therapist. Whether that be an intimate detail or anything else, you can ask if you move on from that subject.
While it’s normal not to feel comfortable discussing sex, it doesn’t have to come at the expense of being completely uncomfortable and unnerved by it. Growth and healing as a couple can come from talking about touchy subjects, but not when one person completely shuts down from the conversation.
3. Therapy Is A Safe Place
More than likely, there won’t be much that you could say that your therapist has not heard before! There’s often a lot of shame and stigma surrounding topics about sex because it is considered to be taboo in our culture. However, when we say that most couples’ therapists have heard everything under the sun, we truly mean it.
So know that therapy is a safe space to talk. It’s actually one of the safest spaces and venues you both can have to express your feelings and thoughts to one another.
Talking with an unbiased third party can help you see things from a completely different perspective that you likely didn’t think about prior to your session.
Whether you talk about sex in therapy or not is entirely up to you and your partner. You don’t have to talk about sex in therapy if you don’t want to. But, if your relationship and sex life are suffering, it can definitely be beneficial. Don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about couples therapy so we can talk about whatever you feel you need to.
