Communicating With Your ADHD Partner

Many couples have problems with communicating. Over time, life and stress get in the way. Instead of staying up late to talk, you both go to bed separately. It seems as if you don’t know what’s going on with each other beyond, “How was your day?” “Fine, how was yours?”

That is nothing to be ashamed of because, unfortunately, it’s a natural part of the relationship or marriage process. Complicating this breakdown in communication is when one partner has a mental health condition, such as anxiety, depression, or ADHD.

If your partner has ADHD or attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, your relationship likely faces unique challenges. However, that does not mean ADHD needs to define your relationship. If you are looking to improve communication with your ADHD partner, here are some tips.

4 Tips To Improve Communication With Your ADHD Partner

1. Both should practice acceptance.

Having ADHD can be a very frustrating experience for someone with it and their partner. Your communication styles will look very different, and that’s okay. Understand that your partner is trying and that you are, too. Accept that you have differences in what it means to communicate. After all, all couples communicate differently from one another; it’s just more about learning to meet each other halfway.

2. It’s not intentional.

The drawbacks of ADHD are forgetfulness and short attention span. Unfortunately, both of those things are a part of life when you have ADHD. It can make you angry when you feel like your partner never pays attention to what you are saying or that they often forget social events you have planned.

Try not to take this personally, as they don’t intend to hurt you. Work together to find ways to help them remember events that they need to go, such as a calendar in the kitchen.

3. Pay attention to your emotions and theirs.

Learning to really focus on what you both feel triggered or agitated over can go a long way to improving communication in your relationship. In fact, this rule doesn’t just apply to relationships where one or both of you have ADHD.

Understanding your reactions and feelings to what is going on in the relationship can help you manage them better. This helps prevent arguments from escalating out of control and allows you both to press pause and assess the situation.

Encourage your partner to be open about when they are having an extremely hard time focusing. If they are immersed in “Activity A,” don’t ask them to help with “Activity B” until they wrap up the first activity. If you help them understand that their boundaries are limited to one task at a time, they will likely not feel as edgy or disconnected.

4. Find the middle ground.

You both have your communication preferences. Maybe you prefer to talk things over immediately when something is bothering you. On the other hand, maybe they prefer to have some space to mull things over by themselves. Maybe you need to find a resolution immediately when you are arguing, but they prefer to take a step back. Do you see the picture here?

You both have specific communication styles that you prefer. There is nothing wrong with that. At the end of the day, every single relationship or marriage is about compromise. Maybe you can agree to give them an hour or two to have space to themselves; then, after that, you get together to have a conversation. Couples counseling will assist you in resolving communication differences.

No two couples communicate in the same way. If you are struggling to communicate with your ADHD partner, don’t hesitate to reach out for support.