Maintaining Partner Connection in the Postpartum Period
Bringing a newborn baby home is one of the most joyous times in a person’s life. It can also be one of the most stressful times, especially for new parents.: learning how to care for the baby, recovering from the birth, the sleepless nights, and learning who you are as a new parent.
As parents, we would never take our frustrations out on the newborn. We are hard wired to put our needs last and our newborn’s first. But, what about our partner?
Our partners serve as our safe place. The place where we can release our stress and frustrations out. If it feels as if there has been a lot of tension between the two of you – this is completely normal. And, believe it or not, this can be a great sign for the relationship. It indicates that both of you feel comfortable enough to show your vulnerabilities and stress with each other.
This may be a good thing, technically, but it also does not serve us well. It often leads to more tension, irritability, and conflicts within the relationship. Once upon a time, you felt a strong connection with your partner. Now? It seems as if there is massive gap between you two that can’t be filled back in. Rest assured, you can find connection again. But how?
Share Fondness And Appreciation
Your life changed the moment you gave birth. You’re caring for a newborn. You are still managing the household. But with so much going on, it isn’t hard to overlook the other person is doing.
You can help strengthen the connection again by taking moments to thank each other. It isn’t a competition of who is doing what. If you are both contributing to caring for the baby and managing everyday things, just say thanks. Small moments of gratitude and recognizing what you are both doing to manage everything can go a long way.
Take Time To Just Be With Each Other
Time. That probably seems like a foreign concept right now. It feels as if there’s barely time to breathe, let alone do anything relaxing.
It’s a challenge, but make sure you take small moments out of the day to just spend with each other. Or, if you are comfortable, go out and do something as a family. You don’t have to do grand gestures of romance to spend time together. Even an at-home date can help you feel more connected to one another.
Make sure you are taking time for physical connection, as well. A 10-second hug. Six-second kisses. A quick hand squeeze. Take a bath together. Whatever and however long you do it, physical intimacy is so important to maintaining a relationship. It will also help you feel emotionally connected and will help you remember why you both chose each other.
Express How You Are Feeling
Communication skills in a relationship are vital for a strong connection. You are both adapting to the new changes of being a parent. Both of you are likely struggling with certain aspects of these changes. Express that. Be honest with each other on how you feel about these changes. If you feel as if you are doing everything, tell your partner this in a gentle way.
Sexual intimacy, especially, may be something that is contributing to the tension in the relationship. Know that is completely normal. If you are the woman, know that’s common to feel the desire in your turned off after birth. If you have pain after sex, don’t feel ashamed. Your body went through many changes.
If you aren’t the one who gave birth, understand that this an adjustment for the mother, mentally and physically. You’ll get that closeness back, in due time. It just takes time and there are more ways to feel intimate than sex with your partner.
—
Being a new parent is hard and adjusting to life with a newborn is challenging. It may be affecting your relationship with your partner. If you are struggling to maintain the connection, contact us today for couples counseling.
