Live to Work or Work to Live? When Couples Don’t Agree
It may be surprising to hear, but 70 percent of divorces don’t occur because of conflict. They happen because there are differing values about major parts of life – work, home, sex, parenting, and finances.
One of the major differences in life is the importance of work vs. home. Many couples have such vastly different viewpoints of this that it actually does lead to conflict and arguing.
Each of these is obviously an important component to making a household run smoothly and effectively. But, when there are major differences in how each partner views them, they can spell out disaster for a happy home life.
Understanding Each Other
An important lesson for many couples is that you don’t have to agree with your partner believes or feels. That doesn’t mean you can’t understand the place they are coming from.
One of the first steps to avoiding conflict over the work and home balance is to get their perspective.
If they value work so much, why is this? What from their childhood or growing up has prompted them to value a hard day of work earning over anything else? Did they grow up not having a lot? What hopes and dreams to they hope to accomplish by focusing on their career?
Alternatively, what about the partner who values home life more? Is this connected to their childhood? Did they have parents growing up who never spent time with them because of their jobs? What fears are centered around them not getting the home life they want?
In life, everyone has a past that has influenced their current mindset. When you walk into any situation with this perspective, it can help you to understand why your partner is the way they are.
Understanding Does Not Mean Agreeing
You don’t have to agree with someone to truly get the place that someone is coming from.
69% of couples have persistent, unresolvable problems that don’t go away. These are referred to as perpetual problems. These are the issues where sometimes it is better to agree to disagree. Even though these problems may not be resolved, that doesn’t mean you can’t understand why your partner feels the way they do.
Discussing your feelings surrounding the issue can go a long way to creating more peace between the two of you. We don’t want to see these issues turn into topics that just aren’t discussed, furthering tension in the household. When things are just ignored, because there are disagreements, it can make it extremely hard when they do come up in discussion.
Small Compromises Can Go A Long Way
There’s a common misconception that in order to compromise, you have to do it big. This belief can actually prevent any compromise from happening when you don’t agree with your partner.
However, you can still make smaller compromises that honors both of you and the things you value in life. It may be small, but agreeing to do something to make the other person happy can have a big, positive influence.
You Don’t Have To Work Through Your Issues Alone
Sometimes, couples need extra to help to reach a space where they can compromise and discuss topics they disagree on.
If it feels like you are just fighting to even get to a healthier place, you don’t have to continue down this path of destruction. Sometimes, we become so stuck in the cycles we find ourselves in that we can’t find a way out.
Couples counseling gives you a chance to work through the problems that are plaguing your relationship in a healthy, proactive way. At times, all it takes is an outside viewpoint for you to gain insight on how to solve the problems you face as a couple.
If you are ready to take the first steps to reaching an agreement and compromising, reach out to me today.
