Tips for Skillful Communication with your ADHD Partner

Everybody has different styles of communication and how they understand things. In fact, it’s almost unheard of to find two people who communicate and listen to others in the same exact way. This couldn’t be more true for couples.

It’s not uncommon for many couples to struggle with communication. A communication breakdown, after all, is the starting point for many issues and conflicts that rear its ugly head. While all couples struggle with communication, this is even more true for couples where one partner has ADHD.

Communicating with your partner who has ADHD may seem like a mystery, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are four communication tips if your relationship is impacted by ADHD.

How to Better Communicate With Your ADHD Partner

1. Educate Yourself

A great starting point is to learn about ADHD. Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a condition that impacts children and adults. Having ADHD or any other mental health condition does not mean that there is something wrong. Instead, it just means that their brain, considered neurodivergent, is wired differently.

ADHD presents itself differently in children than it would in adults. Furthermore, it also impacts men and women differently. Some of the most common signs of ADHD in adults are:

• Difficulty with organization

• Trouble focusing

• Impulsiveness

• Forgetfulness

Understanding how ADHD impacts your partner will help you to become more empathetic and understanding of the daily struggles they face while trying to manage ADHD.

2. Focus On Them

One of the biggest challenges people with ADHD face is trying to focus on tasks and conversations. When you talk with them, and they seem distracted, it’s not because they do it purposefully. Instead, their mind goes in 15 different directions, jumping from thought to thought.

Giving them your undivided attention is a great way to help them focus on what is happening. Put your phone away and encourage them to do the same. If you are in the middle of an important conversation, avoid distractions such as the television or completing another task. In turn, this will help them by trying to put away distractions.

3. Create a System

In all likelihood, you’ve encountered situations where you became frustrated with them. Once again, they forgot that there was an important appointment, event, or date. Or, they may have even completely forgotten about a conversation you two had.

Another huge struggle for those with ADHD is trying to remember things. It’s not that they aren’t listening; their brain can’t process and digest information like everyone else. There’s nothing wrong with that, but part of living with ADHD is managing these characteristics.

You can learn to better communicate with each other by creating a system. In the kitchen or other shared living space, create a calendar and write down all the important dates, appointments, and events you have coming up. This will help alleviate their mind from trying to remember everything and help avoid tension and conflict.

4. Understand We All Communicate Differently

It’s not uncommon for somebody’s mental health to be blamed for communication problems. Undoubtedly, of course, conditions such as ADHD, anxiety, or depression can make it harder to communicate together as a couple.

However, remember that regardless of these challenges, each person communicates differently. Our communication styles often form during early childhood, in our relationships with parents or caregivers. They are even more solidified as we age and form romantic and platonic relationships.

Communication styles are learned over time. Thanks to the brain’s neuroplasticity, we can learn new ways of doing things. It won’t happen overnight, of course, but with time, we can learn to communicate with each other in healthier ways.

If you are struggling with ADHD in your relationship, don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about couples therapy. Together, we can help you find a way forward.