How Often do Couples Fight in a Healthy Relationship?
If someone told you, “Conflict is healthy in a relationship,” you would likely give them a funny look. After all, conflict is synonymous with arguments, screaming matches, and general tension in a relationship.
If you’re asked the question, “How often do couples fight in a healthy relationship?” your answer is likely, “Never!” While that’s an understandable response, that isn’t quite the case. Let’s talk about this some more.
Couples & Conflict
Couples fight for many reasons. Mostly every couple will argue about finances or household responsibilities. Sometimes, couples even argue when neither one understands why they are fighting with one another. In most cases, arguments happen because there is a communication breakdown.
You might look at another couple and think that they have it all together and have a great relationship. To the outside world, it might seem as if they never argue and get along 100% of the time. It would be beautiful if relationships like that actually existed, but unfortunately, they don’t.
The difference between couples is how they handle conflict and tension within their relationship. That perfect couple? It’s almost certain that they get mad at each other and feel stressed out about their relationship.
Let’s go back to the concept of a breakdown in communication. Saying that communication is crucial in a relationship is an understatement. In fact, that barely scratches the surface. Communication is everything when it comes to a relationship and the success of a relationship.
Communication & Conflict
We won’t go into too many details about why couples fight. Instead, we want to focus on why communication is so important when it comes to resolving conflict.
In healthy relationships, conflict is normal and isn’t a ‘make it or break it’ type of deal. Couples who don’t let every argument turn into a full-blown screaming match often know how to:
Listen to their partner and understand their viewpoint or side of things
Can express their own needs and wants clearly to their partner
Understand their partner’s own needs and wants
Manage each other’s expectations about the relationship
Compromise when there is a disagreement about something to meet each other halfway
They are able to use statements that express how they are feeling and are not accusatory in nature. For example, “I feel as if you never seem to care how I feel,” versus “You don’t care how I feel!”
How Often Should Couples Fight In A Relationship?
Three times a week. Just kidding, don’t take that seriously. In all seriousness, there is no definitive number. We can’t say that “Healthy couples fight three times a week. Anything more than that is unhealthy.”
If a couple is great at communicating, they can get into many more ‘spats’ throughout the week and be fine. It’s not about the number of times a couple fights; rather, it is about how they handle conflict in their relationship.
We can’t offer guidance on how much a conflict is considered healthy in a relationship. However, we can guide how to handle conflict in a relationship so it doesn’t become explosive.
One, stay in the present moment. Don’t bring up past arguments or past things that were said or done. If you are fighting about someone not doing more around the house, focus on that, not anything else.
Two, don’t assume that your partner knows how you feel about something. Open communication and honesty are paramount to making sure you are on the same page as one another.
Three, remember you are on the same team. It isn’t a competition about who was right or who was wrong in an argument. Rather, it’s understanding that you are each coming into the situation with a unique perspective.
If you do feel as if your arguments are not getting resolved, don’t hesitate to reach out for help with couples therapy. Together, we can come up with solutions to help turn your conflicts into manageable situations.
