What to do When Communication Stops in a Relationship

Relationships are constantly evolving. There will be good times and, inevitably, rocky patches. At some point, most couples will struggle with their communication. As this happens, it can make a relationship feel as if it is on a rollercoaster.

Breakdowns in communication can happen for any reason. At times, one person may have trouble expressing their needs and wants to their partner. Or, one person might not understand how to make their partner happy.

All of this leads to conflict and tension within the relationship. It might seem cliche, but it’s not; communication is an essential component of a relationship.

If you have experienced a communication breakdown, all is not lost. If each partner still wants to make the relationship work, there are plenty of ways to fix it.

What To Do When Communication Stops In A Relationship

Go Back To The Basics

Sometimes you have to find your connection and spark again before you can fix communication problems. Going back to the very basics of a relationship can be done in a variety of ways.

Schedule time to spend with one another. Whatever you plan on doing, make sure it is free of distractions. Spend time enjoying one another’s hobbies or going on a date when you have time just to talk. During these dates, you don’t have to get into the super heavy aspects of what is bothering you both.

Spend this time just reconnecting with one another. Asking each other about your work week or what is currently stressing you out. As you relearn how to speak to each other beyond the “How was your day?” “It was fine,” conversations, you’ll be able to open up to one another more.

Don’t Place Blame

It’s common to place accusations in an argument. Look at the difference between these two statements.

“You never listen to me.”

“I feel as if you don’t truly listen to me when I talk to you.”

The I statements shift the argument from placing an accusatory statement to speaking about how you feel.

Open Conversations

We all get upset with our partners. We feel frustrated when they say something hurtful or when they do or don’t do something. When this happens, it gets bottled up when we don’t say something. Eventually, it ends up coming up in an explosive argument.

Instead, when something is bothering you, you should open up about it as soon as possible. If you need time to calm down to approach your partner, there is nothing wrong with that.

You can’t fix what you don’t address. Remember, none of us can read minds. You shouldn’t expect your partner to automatically know when you are upset.

Listen, Don’t Just Speak

In a tense argument, it’s normal to only care about voicing your opinion and thoughts. After all, you want your partner to understand where you are coming from.

There is nothing wrong with that. However, there needs to be a balance. Both partners need to be understanding of the other’s viewpoint. This understanding is best realized when you listen to what the other person is saying.

Try not to interject with your side until they are done talking. When they are speaking, be distraction-free and maintain eye contact with them. It will help them to really see you care about their side of things. And giving each other a chance to speak will prevent you from interrupting one another, which helps to prevent a calm conversation from turning into a screaming match.

Learning to communicate effectively is challenging, especially after communication has broken down. In couples therapy, my goal is to help people feel back on track with their relationship. Don’t hesitate to reach out when you are ready.