Why is Sex a Source of Conflict for Couples?
All couples argue. Period. Even the ones who seem to have it all together. Yes, you heard that right. Arguments, in and of themselves, are not a bad thing. A couple arguing too much without resolving the problem creates an unhealthy environment. If a couple can resolve their issues without turning it into a massive blowout, that is a different story.
But, most couples, if we’re being honest, don’t know how to keep their arguments from turning into an explosive firework show. Filled with tension, resentment, and overall frustration toward each other. We can safely say that most couples argue about the same topics—household responsibilities, finances, and sex, to name a few.
Surprised to see that sex is on this list? It’s actually a common topic of disagreement. While some couples don’t place a great emphasis on sexual intimacy, many do. Let’s explore why sex is a source of conflict.
Why Do Couples Argue About Sex?
Too Much Or Not Enough
Men and women have different libido levels. But no golden rule says men always want sex more than women or vice versa. That’s a good generalization but not entirely accurate.
Whether it’s an LGBTQ+ or a heterosexual relationship, there will likely be a difference in how much one partner wants to be intimate versus the other. This is when a lot of conflict can begin surrounding the topic of sex.
It’s Not Easy To Talk About
Intimacy isn’t easy to talk about it. You don’t want to hurt their feelings if you don’t care for something. After all, what if they take it as not being able to perform in the bedroom in ways that are satisfying to you both? Or, maybe you feel embarrassed if you want to try new things but feel your partner might judge you or not be open to it.
This is another source of conflict—getting intimate about what defines intimacy for you as a couple. It’s natural to be hesitant about being vulnerable with your partner, but it can lead to issues inside and outside the bedroom.
And, if it’s awkward to talk about sex with each other, there are likely other breakdowns in communication happening with each other in the relationship as well.
How To Stop Arguing About Sex
Now, here comes the next question you are asking, “How can we stop arguing about sex so much?”
If you find that you are stuck in a cycle of being unhappy with the physical parts of your relationship, you shouldn’t keep this from your partner.
Is it uncomfortable to discuss? Absolutely. You don’t want to hurt their feelings. You don’t want to feel ashamed for what you do or don’t want in the bedroom. But you can’t fix what isn’t being acknowledged. It’s that whole idea of the elephant in the room, after all.
Don’t be afraid to try new things with your partner. You don’t have to continue down that path if one or both of you don’t find pleasure in it.
We also can’t stress the importance of working on intimacy outside of the bedroom, too. Spend time together that does not involve physical intimacy at all. Spend time participating in each other’s hobbies and interests. Have conversations about what is going on in your life that go deeper than, “How was your day, honey?” and “It was fine. How was yours?”
Unfortunately, communication breakdowns in a relationship can trickle into all other areas of a couple’s life together.
If nothing else, don’t hesitate to reach out for support through couples therapy. You truly don’t have to keep having the same arguments if it gets you nowhere but angry or upset with one another.
