Financial Intimacy: What It Is and Why It Matters
One of the biggest concepts couples struggle with is finances. It can be a tricky topic to talk about, especially if there’s a sense of financial insecurity. However, financial intimacy is an important part of any healthy relationship.
It’s understandable that you might be hesitant out of embarrassment or fear that it will make your relationship too much like a business interaction. However, financial is incredibly beneficial and, when done well, actually strengthens your relationship.
What is Financial Intimacy?
When we talk about financial intimacy, we are referring to a transparent, open line of communication regarding your financial situation and your financial goals. This means:
Not Keeping Financial Secrets
One big no-no is keeping financial secrets or lying about spending or debts. Many desire a stable financial position. In fact, many report they would consider breaking up with a partner if they found out they had been hiding a debt or bad credit score.
Initially, you might think, “What’s the big deal?” But this mindset can actually create problems for you beyond money.
Not only does it create distrust and contention about spending, but this can leak over into other areas of the relationship. Your partner may wonder what else you have kept from them, which isn’t a good mindset to be in.
Being Honest and Open About Finances
Don’t be scared by the knowledge that financial secrets are a deal-breaker for some. The best way to avoid this is to be honest right from the get-go. Some things you’ll both take into account are your thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires about money—all within a safe space where both parties feel they’re being heard.
Having open and honest communication about finances helps you plan accordingly as a couple and helps prevent you from ending up in hot water later. Some things to talk about are your assets, expensive, financial goals, and savings strategy. Ask:
Who has access to certain records, accounts, and financial documents? Is that access equal?
How might children factor into your financial plan?
Is there a diplomatic way to split household finances, particularly if one person has a higher income?
How will you plan for retirement?
Why Financial Intimacy Matters
Financial intimacy matters because healthy relationships thrive on honesty and communication. Not having financial intimacy can build distrust and resentment, especially with money being a huge factor for couples to consider.
It’s also important on an individual level. Being open and honest about your financial flaws will help you take accountability and work on improving with the support of your partner.
Some Things to Consider
Consider a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement to account for unpredictable circumstances or financial changes.
Reach out to an accountant or financial advisor to gain a holistic view of your finances and get on the right path.
Decide if a joint account will help you both monitor spending and adjust where needed.
When to Get Help
Finances can be a real struggle. If you find you and your partner are having trouble opening up or having productive conversations about your finances, talking to a couples therapist can help. It may come down to trust and communication issues. Perhaps one person feels their pride might be hurt or are ashamed of their lack of financial literacy. Perhaps you’re not fully aware of each other’s communication styles.
In couples counseling, a couples therapist can help you identify sticky point and help you create solutions that allow you to open up to each other comfortably and without judgement. These are skills you can also apply to your relationship outside of financial talk.
Ready to get started? Reach out today!
