Saving Your Marriage Post Financial Infidelity
What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear the word infidelity? You aren’t alone if you are the victim of a romantic affair. In fact, that’s the most common situation that applies to infidelity. However, there are other ways to cheat or betray another person.
Emotional infidelity occurs when there are no physical signs of an affair, but you connect strongly with someone other than your spouse or significant other. Some couples may even consider flirting as an instance of emotional infidelity.
Another type of cheating that can occur is financial infidelity. Yes, someone can cheat regarding financial matters in the relationship. Before discussing how to save your marriage after infidelity, let’s talk about different examples of what this means.
What Is Financial Infidelity?
Financial infidelity occurs when one partner is deceptive about money. This does not mean that one partner loves to spend money while the other is as frugal as it comes. Instead, we refer to a few specific situations where this deception occurred.
Secretive About Spending
Again, this does not mean poor money management skills. Instead, this occurs when someone has an urge to spend money that is so strong that they regularly hide their purchases or receipts from their partner.
Hiding Extra Income
We live in a time when most of us are trying to find ways to make extra income beyond what we bring in with our regular jobs or careers. However, if someone regularly brings in extra income and hides it from their partner, this could signify financial infidelity. Now, keep in mind we said “could.” This is because it’s not deceptive if someone is making extra money and hiding it to treat their partner to a vacation, a nice gift, or something to do together.
Lying About Spending Habits
Many couples will share bank accounts. When they do, both partners need to understand where the money is going that they put into the account. Even if one partner does all the budgeting, they should be on the same page about the outgoing spending from this account. Lying about this is never okay when it comes to purchases or activities that the other partner does not know about.
How To Save Your Marriage After Financial Infidelity
Like physical cheating, financial infidelity can have a profound impact on the health of a relationship. Just like physical or emotional infidelity, though, a couple can recover from it.
1. Be Honest
Honesty is the foundation for all relationships. Without it, couples are more prone to arguments, deceit, or eventually calling it quits. After financial infidelity has happened, be honest with one another.
If you are the partner committing it, be honest about why you lied about your spending habits or secretly hid income from your partner. If you are the partner who discovered it, let the other person know how betrayed you feel by the act.
2. Show Understanding
If you discover the act, it can be hard to understand the place where your partner came from. However, with any financial aspect of a person’s life, there can be a lot of shame and guilt that comes with it.
Never shame your partner for their financial situation. Instead, try to meet them from a place of understanding after you go through the honesty phase. That doesn’t mean you have to accept it, of course. But, make a genuine attempt to at least hear them out about why they behaved in a certain way.
3. Go to Counseling
Yes, you can even go to counseling together as a couple to recover from financial infidelity. Some couples may not see financial infidelity as ‘worthy’ of counseling, but it is.
Counseling can give you a safe space to talk about the infidelity and how it has impacted your relationship and trust. Don’t hesitate to reach out to learn more about couples therapy.
