What Happens if We Fight in Couples Therapy?

Let’s face it — all couples fight. Fighting, in itself, is not bad. It can be a helpful way to resolve conflict and grow closer in the relationship. However, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s good to fight. In moderation, fighting is okay, but when it becomes a daily or weekly occurrence, many couples will begin to see bigger issues.

For many couples, therapy is the next option worth exploring. Naturally, talking to an outside source about your issues will be uncomfortable. You may feel uneasy talking about the problems you are facing or what you are feeling. However, working with a couples therapist can help you get to the root cause of what is causing so much conflict and tension. The real question is, what happens if you fight in a session?

What to Expect From Couples Therapy

First, let’s talk about what you can expect out of a couples therapy session. What you discuss in your session will be entirely up to you. Your therapist will guide you and prompt specific discussions to go further. However, you and your partner control what you want to talk about. It’s a safe space where you can freely discuss your issues and feelings.

There are no off-limits topics, either. It doesn’t matter how insignificant or massive a topic may feel. If you feel it’s essential to bring it up, that is all that matters. It’s also important to remember that everything you discuss in a session is confidential and goes nowhere. When we say that we have heard everything as therapists, we genuinely mean it. It’s also a judgment-free zone, so you will never have to worry about feeling belittled or shamed for what you discuss.

What Happens If We Fight?

Nobody likes to argue in front of other people. Sometimes, of course, it happens. Later, we often feel shame for arguing in front of others —whether in a public or a private setting. As humans, we are prone to want to keep matters private. Typically, fighting in public or around other people is neither helpful nor productive.

Couples therapy is not like that at all. If you fight in couples therapy, it’s actually a good thing. Why?

When you begin arguing with your partner in front of a therapist, it benefits the therapist. They can watch your body language and how you interact with each other. What language are you using with each other? Is one partner aggressively coming for the other? Does the other partner seem to withdraw or become silent?

It can sometimes be one-sided when you talk about your arguments in a session but don’t actually have them. Yes, the therapist understands the more significant issues at play, but your interactions with each other often play a substantial role in arguments. They can’t pick up on everything.

It’s not a requirement by any means, of course. If you don’t get into an argument in therapy, it’s not like they won’t be able to help you. Couples therapy will still be extremely beneficial to you as individuals and within the partnership.

How to Decide if Couples Therapy Is Right

It’s not uncommon for one partner to suggest couples counseling and the other partner to balk at the suggestion. It’s normal to feel hesitant about couples therapy or to brush it off as a hoax. We find that many people are resistant to therapy at first.

If you or your partner are struggling with the idea of couples therapy, don’t hesitate to reach out anyway. While couples therapy can be beneficial, individual counseling may work as well. In either case, your relationship can heal and move forward, so why not give it a chance? Reach out to learn more about our services; we would gladly support you.