How Can I Trust my Spouse After an Affair?
If your spouse has had an affair, and you’ve both committed to rebuilding your relationship, you might be wondering if it’s really possible to rebuild the trust you once shared.
Right now, some of you may still be questioning whether your partner is sincere about changing their behavior. It’s not easy to regain trust in your spouse after infidelity. But if your spouse is truly dedicated to earning your trust back, you can start a new chapter in your marriage. You’ll both need to invest your time and effort in this process.
Here’s how to improve your communication, set boundaries that honor your needs, and cultivate new experiences together.
Prioritize Open Communication
Once again, nothing is more important than open, transparent communication to foster mutual trust within your marriage. If you’re still feeling hesitant to trust your spouse, or if you’re upset with them about anything related to the affair, it’s critical to share your feelings. You might feel like you should suppress these complicated emotions in order to “smooth things over.” Yet, in the long run, this can lead to increased tension between you and your spouse. Instead, make time for regular check-ins, and let your spouse know how you’re feeling.
Identify Possible Triggers
There might be certain behaviors or situations that bring up strong emotions related to your spouse’s infidelity. For example, if they go out for drinks with friends or stay out socializing later than they originally planned, you might worry that they’re actually seeing an affair partner. Reflect on any actions your spouse might still be engaging in that trigger these feelings, and consider how you can address these issues together.
Define Reasonable Boundaries
When you understand the specific behaviors that trigger your memories of the affair, you can use these reflections to inform your boundaries. Talk to your spouse about your expectations. For instance, if they’re socializing without you, you might share that it’s critical that they come home at the time you’ve previously agreed upon.
Make Space for Shared Experiences
An affair creates distance between you and your spouse. You might feel disconnected from your spouse and question whether you really know them anymore. Prioritizing shared experiences can help you bridge this gap and gradually strengthen your trust. You may want to plan a vacation together, schedule regular date nights, try out a new hobby that you’re both interested in or discuss future goals for your relationship that you could work towards.
Work With a Couples Counselor
You do not have to navigate this difficult time alone. If you and your spouse both feel confused and uncertain about what comes next for your marriage, you may want to reach out to a couples counselor. A qualified counselor will not take sides. Instead, they’ll support you in making decisions that build up trust. Dealing with the aftermath of an affair can be very difficult, but with guidance, you can heal together.
Give Yourself Time
Finally, don’t put pressure on yourself to feel completely secure and trusting in your marriage right away. Be patient with yourself as you work with your spouse to revitalize the trust you once shared. Setbacks do not mean you have to give up. You may wish that you could wake up and simply forget about the affair. However, it’s okay to acknowledge that your marriage dynamic has changed. Recovering from the emotional impact of infidelity is not an overnight process, and you are on your own personal timeline.
Couples counseling can be transformative for couples overcoming infidelity. We invite you to connect with us to book your first session or a free consultation.
