When Parenting Styles Don’t Align
No matter how you look at it, raising children is hard. Each parent brings with them an idea of how children should be raised. Sometimes, one parent may desire to raise their kids the same way they were; while the other parent wishes to do things differently from their own upbringing.
While each parent will inevitably bring their own ideas on how children should be raised, it is important that they are on the same page. Being on the same page as your partner when it comes to your parenting styles is crucial for the family dynamic. As children age, they will become more aware of these differences and feel confused when their parents’ approach to them is different. And, parenting conflicts will ultimately cause stress and tension in the relationship itself.
While you may not see eye to eye on absolutely everything, here are some tips to help raise your children when your parenting styles don’t align.
Understand Each Other’s Emotional Standpoint
While you may have differing viewpoints, the first way to help your parenting skills is to understand where the other person is coming from. Does your partner feel a certain way because they don’t want to repeat the mistakes of their parents? Are your own fears related to a moment you experienced as a child? Communication is vital when it comes to parenting and this is the perfect place to start.
By understanding each other’s emotions, you will see things from the other’s perspective and why they parent the way they do. And when you make that deeper connection, you can help each other reach a middle ground that will make you both happy.
Know Each Other’s Values
This is another big topic that should be discussed with your partner. What kind of values do you want to instill in your children? When they reach young adulthood, what values and lessons do you hope your children learned along the way?
Communicating the values and ethics you want to raise your children with may help you come to a more aligned parenting approach. If you both agree that you want your children to be independent, but still know they can come to you for support, find that middle ground. Instead of one parent fostering independence in the child while the other shows more support, you can find a way to do both. It won’t be perfect at times. But, you can improve your relationship with your child and partner by trying to meet them halfway.
Research & Be Informed Together
You both have very different ideas of what it takes to be a parent. Each of you brings a past to the table that won’t always agree with each other. That’s okay. In relationships with kids, you don’t have to agree on absolutely everything. There will always be differences in how each of your parents. Doing all of the above can help lessen the confusion and reach a better understanding of one another.
If you can’t find the answers on your own, read parenting books together. Or listen to audiobooks. Oftentimes, we are so stuck in our own versions of how things are supposed to be that we don’t see the outside world’s perspective. If you need some fresh perspectives, books and articles are the perfect way to find them. You can each suggest books to read then discuss them after you go through them. It will help you step outside of your parenting zones and see each other’s viewpoints and a stranger’s.
Sometimes, that is all a parent needs is to gain a fresh perspective.
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Raising children is one of the hardest, yet most rewarding, jobs we could ever have. You and your partner may not agree on absolutely everything. You may disagree with a choice they make. And that’s ok. What’s most important is that you communicate and try to understand each other’s viewpoints and emotions. If you need help with your parenting approaches, feel free to contact me to open the lines of communication. Couples therapy can help you find ways to explore your differences, transforming the stuck feeling places into areas of deeper understanding and connection.
