Exploring Emotional Affairs

If you hear the word “affair,” your mind likely first travels to physical infidelity. However, there are other different ways to be involved in an affair. One of the more common ones, albeit lesser known, is emotional infidelity.

Before we start talking about emotional infidelity, we should note that what this involves will often vary from person to person and relationship to relationship. One person may not see something as a big deal, whereas another person may be completely taken aback by the same thing. Similarly, the boundaries of one relationship may be more flexible than the boundaries of another relationship.

What Are Signs of Emotional Infidelity?

It’s hard to put a concrete definition down of what precisely emotional infidelity is. A basic definition could be when someone develops a deep emotional connection with someone outside their relationship. This bond, in itself, may not always spell disaster. After all, many people find that they are connected with other people, even the opposite sex, in meaningful ways. It poses a problem when this bond surpasses the actual couple’s.

Signs of Emotional Infidelity

Emotional Withdrawal

A big sign of emotional infidelity is when someone becomes emotionally distant from their partner. They may invest more time and energy into this other person they have formed a deep connection with. Someone may no longer turn to their spouse or partner for emotional needs.

Decreased Communication

When emotional infidelity occurs, it’s not uncommon for there to be a decrease in communication within the relationship. There might be fewer conversations or even outright silence between the couple when they are in the same room. Conversations may result in the bare minimum of what is necessary, such as “What’s for dinner?” or “When are you coming home?”

On the other hand, communication may increase between one partner and another person. Of course, this communication is often secretive and conducted through texting, calling, or meet-ups. There may be dishonesty involved, where the partner does not disclose how often they are actually talking to this other person.

Comparing and Contrasting

Either outright or inwardly, it’s not uncommon to see someone compare the two people in their life. There may be thoughts of, “Why can’t they be more like…” or, “I wish they would treat me like so and so does…”

In many cases, this very well could manifest itself by comparing the current relationship with a past one that they can’t let go of easily.

Decreased Intimacy

Now, keep in mind that we aren’t talking about physical affairs that involve sex. So, with that said, we will say that a decrease in intimacy between a couple is not uncommon in these types of situations.

It’s not that because one partner is feeling physically satisfied by another person. Instead, it is more likely because they no longer feel emotionally connected to their current partner — even if they don’t know why. The physical intimacy energy level that was once held between the two partners is now, inadvertently, being redirected as an emotional connection towards another person.

Can You Move Forward After Emotional Infidelity?

The short answer is yes. As challenging as any type of affair can be, it’s not unheard of to hear about two people being able to make things work and move forward.

Now, with that said, in order to move forward from emotional infidelity, the truth needs to come out. Maybe neither partner fully realizes that emotional infidelity is occurring. Or, maybe there are only suspicions of it, but nothing concrete. Regardless, emotional affairs can be just as damaging as physical affairs.

In either case, there is a massive breach of trust and communication between the couple. It takes work and commitment from both partners to repair a bond that has been broken.

Couples therapy can help you. The first step is to be honest about the infidelity and find the root causes of why someone strayed from their relationship. From there, a plan of how to move forward can be reached.
Reach out today to schedule your first therapy appointment.